“You have so much confidence. And your dancing is incredible.”
“I don’t even drink.”
True story.
Short conversations like the one above get repeated quite often, especially when I’m out or clubbing, because it almost amazes me how many people feel the need to be intoxicated a certain level before they can begin to enjoy themselves. It’s sad that so many of us feel so locked by our inhibitions that we’re always having to worry what the person next to us is thinking. About our clothes. About our dancing, or behaviour, or whatever else it might be. Obviously, inhibitions are there for a reason. Otherwise we’d all be hooting, waving our undies in the air and not giving a damn. Fine, there is a reasonable limit. But simple things like being able to relax in your own skin, be able to tell a joke and laugh loudly - none of these things usually cause much harm to anyone, so why should we be so self conscious about it?
Part of what I’m gathering ideas for to teach in a course is how build an ever-flowing supply of energy around yourself. Meaning that even when someone/something nags at you, or tries to steal a little of it away, you have such an abundance of life force directed towards you that recharging is practically effortless. Practical things like a healthy diet and sleeping pattern are also key in how energetic you are throughout the day. This is all possible, by the way. It certainly requires a high level of understanding, trust in all things turning out for the best (despite any appearances) and training your mind to allow happiness/excitement/gratitude to be your default way of being. But I’ve been in a loophole like this before for months at a time and can genuinely say it’s awesome. This doesn’t mean nothing will ever make you upset or angry, but the processing, forgiving and letting go will be so much quicker once you’ve integrated this into your way of being. Petty arguments, on the other hand, you’ll learn to let these slide by altogether.
Sounds appealing, right? Taking it back to the context of parties, though. Just imagine then. If you’re an ongoing, joyful bubbles machine, why would it even occur to you to drink or take drugs? You’d have so much pouring out of you already, that taking in any foreign substance would only slow you down and make you sluggish. Essentially defeating the whole object. And the very cool thing about energy is that it’s infectious. When you’re giving out joy and being your best self, others will pick up on it and bounce it right back, effectively multiplying everyone’s happiness level. If only we allow it to spread. The issue with our upbringing today is that we’re taught to be self conscious of outwardly showing emotions that are above the normal, bland range - when it’s this kind of mentality that’s stopping positivity from spreading. If we weren’t so worried of being thought of as ‘crazy,’ what we’d actually discover is that there’s a whole lot of people out there who would really appreciate their mood being lifted.
Peer Pressure
One of the big reasons for choosing to drink, or take a puff of a joint, is so that we don’t feel like the odd ones out, right? No one likes to be a black sheep. Besides, what would we do to socialize if all our friends were sitting around table, drinking and chatting animatedly? The answer is deceptively simple. Sit at the table and chat animatedly with them. Honestly. I have done this enough times to say, no one is all that bothered whether you have a drink in front of you or not. Whether it’s water, or juice, or nothing at all. They may ask you once or twice, but after that you’ll be left alone (and if you’re not, then perhaps it’s wise to consider what kind of people your friends actually are?) If you can keep up the pace of the conversation and laugh and be relaxed with it all, there’s no reason to have to spend out on alcohol. There shouldn’t need to be a mental link that says socializing = drink something!
If you’ve found that this kind of mentality has been programmed into you, then there’s no getting rid of it over night. Like anything, there’s a process of weaning yourself off. Doesn’t help that we see booze on birthday cards, adverts, in films… as if trying to say that a party isn’t a party without it (which, if you read on about sober festivals, you’ll find to be completely false.) There’s no harm taking it slowly, being easy on yourself. Try this as a mental connection!
Socializing = friends, family, laughter, music, dancing, crazy adventures, high vibes!!
Dance yourself into a trance
Energy aside, there are other ways to be able to totally let loose while still being sober. One of these is ecstatic dance. As a person who exercises every day, the benefits of dance are apparent in my normal life. It’s also one of my top reasons for going out in the first place, but learning this trick starts at home first. Either in the daytime or evening, whenever you’ve got the chance really, find an empty space and switch on a piece of music that resonates with you. This could be something that gets you pumping, or is slow and dreamy or simply brings back good memories. Ideally, repeat this exercise often enough so that you can dance to whatever fits your current mood. Also, it tends to be a lot more comfortable when there’s no fear of being intruded upon. Not always possible, but we just have to make do. If you’re in the house, just tell people not to disturb you while you’re dancing, or if outside, find an open spot that’s out of the way. Now, feel the music. That’s it. There should be no expectation from yourself or judgement. If you’re someone with limited mobility or recovering from an injury, then even just moshing or bobbing from side to side can feel good, providing that temporary escape from mind chatter. If you feel clumsy or uncreative, just forget about that. For one thing, you will get more fluid with practice. For seconds, even those of us who can pirouette or somersault (which feels incredible, don’t get me wrong), sometimes just need a shake or a jump without having to focus on skill at all. The whole point of this is to get to know your body. To feel it and use it, rather than think about it. Music provides the outlet, we’re the vessel. The point of being alone, perhaps even closing your eyes if that’s what you’re called to do, is to forget about image. If we’re being taken over by powerful emotions, sometimes the only way to release it is to just move. What’s perfect about dance is that it can fit any mood. If you’re angry, it can involve lots of hitting, kicking, stomping and growling. If you’re excited you can punch the air and shriek with joy. When feeling sensual, but with only yourself to please, you can roll around and… you name it. There’s no shortage of options. And most importantly, it gets whatever you are feeling out of your system, into the atmosphere. Being able to move freely with only music and your body as accompaniment is a natural way to put yourself in a trance. That’s the reason I recommend to start out alone. But as your skills and confidence improve, you may choose to take it elsewhere. At Ecstatic Dance sessions, you will find people who have all come to do the same thing: express whatever it is they need to release through action. These are specially organized so that you can be yourself, regardless of whether you choose to dance with the group or blank them out entirely. It’s a place to get into the ‘zone’ without being bothered by anyone. This is an amazing activity to relieve stress and keep fit, requiring no drugs at all.
For some, free movement will be an exercise kept strictly to themselves, which is absolutely fine. However, as I’m talking about confidence in public, what this may lead up to is learning to feel comfortable in your body when around other people as well. Let’s say you’re at a very good event or club and the music is on your wavelength, the semi-darkness and coloured lighting act as a way of letting yourself out of your usual state of consciousness. As I said earlier, it’s a natural high, gets you exhilarated and costs absolutely nothing to your health (or wallet!) In such an environment, there should be absolutely no reason for having to be shy or self conscious. As one DJ rightly said at Soul Circus “Wow! I’ve never seen such an energised crowd. Must be all that yoga and high vibes.”
If you are interested in sober events, try researching a few listed here.
Stone Cold Sober
Love Jam
Conscious Camp
Illumin8te
Urubu Ecstatic Dance
There are many others, but let this just be a taste of how liberating and energized a party can be.
So if you’ve nailed being able to go out sober, here are some of the numerous benefits you’ll find go hand in hand.
You can actually remember what happened the next day, and longer.
Health remains intact. No future heart failures, lung diseases, addictions, dementia, psychosis or other unsavoury effects. No one will spike your water either, but keep it on you just in case.
Nights out can, potentially, be free!
Being in control of your movements. Dancing with more agility and grace, less likely to stumble.
Your words and thoughts will make sense.
An inner confidence that can’t be shaken so easily, both in night life and day life.